Louie Gohmert: Caribou Sex, Non-Rising Pool Water, and Moo Goo Dog Pan -- No, SERIOUSLY

by Sunnyjane

Bet you can't make YOUR eyebrows do this while wearing a tin foil hat!

Any day now, Louie Gohmert will be arrested and charged for being in Contempt of Mental Soundness, the penalty for which is sixty days in an asparagus-print wallpapered cell while listening to President Obama sing Sweet Home Chicago and I'm Still in Love with You twenty-four hours a day.

The congressman's philosophies harken back to a time when people bragged that Christopher Columbus had dined in their homes, and Louie disapproves of any idea that bears even the slightest whiff of moderate -- forget about liberal or progressive; those cause him to start picking his nose while hyperventilating.  It's not a pretty sight.

Gohmert was sworn in as a newly elected member of the Lower Chamber from Texas in January of 2005.  In 2007, Michele Bachmann arrived, and the two of them proceeded to establish the gold standard for House-Crazy.  In 2011, the anti-government Tea Party tsunami engulfed the House, and America became the laughingstock of the world.

No wonder John Boehner has reserved bar stools all over the Nation's Capitol.  The House has become Kabuki theater rather than a serious venue for enacting the country's laws.

The Crusades Will Be Televised

Louie Gohmert's belief in God's existence is total and as solid as the Pillars of Hercules.  And to prove it to, um, doubters, he recently offered his very own equation verifying said existence because atheists cannot say: Nobody + Nothing = Everything.  Well!  There you go then.

The God-bothering congressman from Texas would be quite vexed if he had to debate Thomas Jefferson on the true meaning of Separation of Church and State.  Louie, of course, has his own interpretation of that doctrine: ...the state would not dictate to the church, but the church would certainly play a role in the state.  Um...nooooo.

Louie also thinks that the Republican party can get Latinos to start voting for them because they are the party that believes in God.  If that's true, it makes you wonder why he's so against passing an immigration law, doesn't it?

And of course, the Aurora shooting massacre of twelve people in 2012 happened because America is becoming a Godless country.  No, it's actually because you and your ilk place a higher value on guns than you do on human life, you little imbecile.      

And More Louie Lunacy

While discussing the ENDA bill before the House last year, legislation that would make it illegal to fire, refuse to hire, or refuse to promote employees because of their sexual orientation or gender identity, Gohmert whined that it was just more of the Democrats continuing war on religion -- especially the Judeo-Christian religion.  He doesn't give a fat rat's ass about other religions, and bewailed the fact that Jews and Christians actually supported gay rights, despite the plumbing that God created.  Uh huh.

In 2010, Louie was positive that pregnant Muslim women were coming across the border to spawn their babies just so those now-American citizens could be sent back to their Islamist countries to be trained as terrorists and come back and kill all of us.  And no one could easily forget that after the Boston Marathon bombings in 2013, he tried to link that tragic event with immigration reform, opining that  We know Al Qaeda has camps over with the drug cartels on the other side of the Mexican border. We know that people are being trained to come in and act like they're Hispanic when they're radical Islamist.  No explanation on how a Middle East individual might actually be able to act like they're Hispanic. 

Gohmert wants to protect the Alaska Pipeline because he's afraid that if there's not all that warm oil flowing through it, the sex-life of the caribou would be ruined:  So when [the caribou] want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline. So my real concern now ...if oil stops running through the pipeline...do we need a study to see how adversely the caribou would be affected if that warm oil ever quit flowing?   He declined the opportunity to inform us as to whether the pipeline takes dinner reservations.

Loony Louie once cringed at the thought of sending funds to China to help that country protect rare dogs and cats: There is no assurance that if we did that we wouldn't end up with moo goo dog pan or moo goo cat pan.  

Because he doesn't believe in man-made climate change, Louie refused to read the report because it was way too full of science mumbo-jumbo to make sense of.  He had an intern read it and decided it was just full of malarkey.  His argument: Rising sea levels? Melting ice caps? Well now, if that were true, how come the water in my pool isn’t any higher than it was last year?  It's perfectly acceptable to indulge in a major head-bang at this point.

Unfortunately, Gohmert is running against the same Democrat who challenged him and lost in 2012.  I think we can expect the same results this year.

End Note

Now there's a pro-life solution.

St. Hypocrisy Roman Catholic Church Hospital

by Sunnyjane

Double standards?  Pretense?  Duplicity?  Why yes, we DO provide those services!

Americans have been subjected to more than its fair share of far-right hypocrisy in the last couple of years, so much so that the next instance becomes little more than an eye-rolling,  head-shaking example. 

Given the atmosphere of it's just the far-right hypocrisy du jour, when the story broke that a Catholic-run hospital in Canon City, Colorado, was going to court to argue that seven-month twin fetuses were not persons when they died in their deceased mother's womb -- due to negligence on the part of the hospital -- caused hardly a ripple upon the mainstream media waters.  

Catholic Health Initiatives (CHI)

I have told you people that life begins at conception!  Oh, never mind, I quit!

There is nothing ambiguous in the Roman Catholic Church's stand on the question of personhood, and when life begins.  In November 2010, Pope Benedict made the following statements concerning this subject:  personhood begins at conception.  And, he who will be a man is already one; there is no reason not to consider him a person from conception.  In the event that these statements seemed a bit vague to the hardheaded Americans, the Holy Father went on to say from the moment of its conception, life must be guarded with the greatest care.

Any questions as to how the Vatican views personhood?  Take notes; there may be a test.

There was not much care exhibited in the case of thirty-one-year-old Lori Stodghill.  She  and her twins died while under the care of a CHI hospital, St. Thomas More, which professes to follow Catholic doctrine to the letter:  In accord with its mission, Catholic health care should distinguish itself by service to and advocacy for … children and the unborn. 

When the widowed father decided to sue CHI for the wrongful death of his twins, the lawyer for the defendants asked that the Supreme Court throw out the suit because, under a long-standing Colorado law, personhood only applies to a person living outside the womb.  The Supreme Court agreed, and the suit did not go forward.

Now the wicket gets sticky, so to speak.  The Catholic Bishops of Colorado -- who maintained afterwards that they knew nothing about the law suit -- met with CHI and sort of set 'em straight.  CHI then acknowledged publicly that yes, it was “morally wrong” for its attorneys to argue in court that a fetus is not a human being under Colorado law.   After all, such a contention directly contradicts the moral teachings of the Church.  That's sort of like saying Oops, our bad! after the Court has made its ruling.

How very odd that the Bishops did not get involved until after the Supreme Court of Colorado threw out the suit.  Remember, this has been going on since 2006.

Of course, it's a good thing CHI didn't try this little stunt in Alabama -- and some other states -- whose Supreme Court ruled in January that it recognizes the unborn as persons.

END NOTE

  

You can never be accused of hypocrisy when you keep Church and State separate