"O Little Town Of Wasillahem" - Wonderful satire by our reader JCos, but: Nothing beats Sarah Palin hilarious "audio sample" from her new "Christmas book", which will make you spit out your morning coffee! Sarah Palin tries to "protect the heart of Christmas" with gambling, gifts and guns! - UPDATE: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

+++ Read the follow-up: "New York Magazine" publishes review of Sarah Palin's Christmas book with hilarious interactive Christmas-tree, featuring the best quotes from the book, narrated by Sarah Palin - but see and hear for yourself! +++

By Patrick

I love these posts that write themselves! Especially if I am really tired and desperately need to go to bed! So let's dive straight into it. Sarah Palin is about to publish her new book about Christmas which is deceptively called "Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas."

So, will it be awful, just like anything else which Sarah Palin has ever produced! You betcha! Listening to the audio sample which is available on Amazon confirmed our worst fears. It is so unbelievably bad, that it really needs to be heard, although it will knock your socks off! So be prepared! Maybe take a strong drink or whatever will numb you!

Huge h/t to our reader "yellow rose"...!

I brought the audio sample over here for easier access (click here for link, in case you cannot see the player):

EDIT - I now also created a youtube clip with the audio:

Our reader "yellow rose" commented:

I listened to the audio of Sarah narrating part of her Christmas book (on the Amazon.com book site). She has her most cheery and jolly voice on (kind of like her interview after giving birth to Trig on April 21, 2008, and it was so easy and relaxing.) (In addition: Download the audio from April 21, 2008)

She describes the tradition of "Eskimo Bingo"; the only time she encourages her kids to "be greedy" - with a throw of the dice you can "steal" a present from the circle. (Is there something racist about this?) Todd gifts are always "amazing" - he has always given her "good gifts", which she lists for us. He only wants gas gift cards for all his vehicles.(Or is Sarah just lazy?) Last year, to "combat gun chatter coming from D.C.", "I gave Todd a needed and POWERFUL gun". (What? Is she letting politics steal Christmas?) And then the classic, "He got the gun, I got the rack" (How could it be a Christmas book without that?)

The greatest joy is always giving the children their gifts (but what about Jesus?). And when Sarah was a young mother with energy she began the tradition of scavenger hunts to find their gifts. And she leaves clues in the cookie jar, in the mail box, on the fence, on the dog's collar, and on and on..... ("How am I going to fill 200 pages!!???)

This is only the beginning of "protecting the heart of Christmas"? Gambling, gifts, guns? Stay tuned...

But another reader made a wonderful contribution as well! Our creative genius JCos really outdid herself this time and rewrote the lyrics to "O Little Town of Bethlehem" in honor of Sarah Palin's attempt to save Christmas.

Here are the new lyrics by JCos, the song now being called "O little town of Wasillahem":

O little town of Wasillahem

How still we tell the lie

About thy weak and braindead sheep

As Tea Party stars go by

Yet in thy dark streets shineth

The neverending blight

The dread and fears of all the years

Are met in her tonight

For Trig is born of Bristol

And gathered at Mat Su

While mortals sleep, the angels weep

Their watch of deceit true

O morning stars together

Proclaim the Gov's fake birth

And praises sing to false doctoring

And to hell with men on earth

How silently, how silently

His special needs exploited!

So Palin imparts to human hearts

Her endorsement straight from heaven.

No ear may hear Her coming,

But in this world of sin,

Where meek souls will heed her still,

The deer killer enters in.

O holy Child of Wasillahem

Enrich us now, we pray

Cover up our sin and enter in

Make money for us today

We hear the Christmas angels

The great glad tidings tell

O come to us, abide with us

Forget Barack and Michelle

With this very nice instrumental version of the song you can "check" how these new lyrics fit, and they are just perfect:

Voilà, this is our post for today. Many, many thanks again for the contributions of our readers!

Sarah, Sarah, what have you done? Gambling, gifts and guns? This is your version of Christmas? We really have no words.

Apart from:

"O holy Child of Wasillahem

Enrich us now, we pray

Cover up our sin and enter in

Make money for us today"

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UPDATE - some reactions from our readers:

Linda1961:

Yellow Rose is right that Quitter sounds cheery, but the timber of her voice still grates. And it's creepy, but not surprising, that she thinks that gift giving is what is Christmas all about. What about just spending time with family and friends? What about helping those in need? ETA: In that audio clip, I don't remember her mentioning the birth of Christ. Seems she would have been sure to have included a reference to the reason for the holiday in the audio clip. All I heard what what she did and what she gets. It was all about Quitter.

KatieAnnieOakley:

Most hilarious in the audio file? Its CLEAR she maims certain words: STILL for steal; (stealing presents) WILLER for (four)-wheeler; GIFF for gifts and WILLS for (hot) wheels.

Pallottine:

That audio, what a bunch of crap. I found it particularly amusing that she's running out of hiding places for her clues. I wonder which kid found the clue in the freezer, ya know, the one she hid between the ground up moose meat, and the freezer burnt elk stew. Yup, gotta check out the freezer. Newsmax and SarahPAC, the book sales are all yours!

ynott:

I don't get the point of her book. Wasn't it supposed to be about the war on Christmas and how it was being secularized and too commercial and politically correct? Is she saying Christmas is all about her family's crazy traditions and not even talking about the true meaning of Christmas to Christians?

Sounds like she is totally trying to make some political statement about it all. I don't get it.

Idiot!

Psalm023:

Oh phffffffftttttt!!!!

I listened and all I heard was, "mememememememememememememem - Todd-I-powerful gun-me big rack-mememememememememe-kids-cold-gifts-Todd-sleepy eyes-open wide-bigwills(huh? does she mean Big Wheels?) - memememememeourourourourourourourour/dad's old bones/gunrack/mememememememememme

That about summed it up. Where is the mention of Jesus?

Psalm023:

I wouldn't care one bit what she writes or does, but it's her incessant attacking others who she feels don't measure up to her standards. She insulted the President's first post card of a White House fireplace with Bo. So what does she think this little enterprise of hers exposes? It shows she's not only shallow and lacks depth and feeling, but it shows her superiority complex and offenses towards others, which is appaling; and she dares to pretend she represents God in all this? As though He's OK with it? He gives His only Son and she takes and takes and takes from others and uses His sacred Name to get rich???????? She has no sensibilities or courtesy or shame or embarassment. Some might even say she has no fear of God himself.

Maelewis:

Treasure hunt for the Palin Family presents, I wonder what the clues were for finding Trig under the Christmas tree. The scarf around Sarah's neck hiding her "pregnancy?" Bristol's living with her aunt and cousins for five months, maybe infecting them with her mono? A child being delivered in a small town hospital which was not equipped for the delivery of a premature, special needs child? Flying for 12 hours while in labor and leaking amniotic fluid? We have missed the real message that Sarah was trying to send with those treasure hunt clues. Trig's birth was more miraculous than the Birth of Jesus. No wonder she claims that the Birth of Jesus in the cornerstone of her religious faith and belief-- while most people would point to Easter.

Maelewis added Sarah Palin's christmas card from 2008:

comeonpeople:

Sarah Palin's book is another manifestation of her mental illness. Everything in this book is a distorted version 0f what 100s of millions of other people do for Christmas every year. But she' s so narcisssitic and also so sheltered up in Wasilly that she thinks it is oh so different and special. Everyone has holiday traditions Sarah. We all ,all ,all have holiday traditions. I believe most of us on this blog also do special things for our neighbors and community and family and coworkers year round, but especially during the holidays. Nothing in this book so far demonstrates any religious convictions. She really missed the mark. This is another "pay the mortgage" books. "Pay the mortgage" is a term my husband and I use when we see a beloved actor in a crappy movie. We say they did it solely for the money. That's all Sarah does - various and sundry crap for money...

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UPDATE 2:

Politicalgates says HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Our reader HopeforAmerica had a lot of fun and created the following clip for Halloween - please share it on facebook, twitter etc.!