Republicans Behaving Badly -- and OTHER Good News

by Sunnyjane

The Tea Party-infused GOP -- and all those who worship with them -- cannot help itself: it has to act Stupid, Stupider, Stupidest; there must be some sort of contest on that side of the political spectrum.

We may as well jump right in and see what they've been up to during the first four weeks of this Year of the Horse.  (And please note that I did not say horse's ass, although come to think of it...)

Pox News Sets the Standard for Obama Derangement Syndrome
 

But if we were going to discuss the derriere of the Equus ferus caballus, the place to start would definitely be Fox News.  I gleefully admit that there hasn't been much good news for conservatives to talk about lately -- the Ailes book, Christ Christie, Bob McDonnell, Scott Walker praising a registered sex offender who has, among other issues, convictions for forgery, battery, and drunk driving -- so in a pinch they turn to racism and/or President Obama. 

Eric Bolling just had to make the pronouncement that there is no racism in America because we have a Black president and there are all those, you know, Black entertainment channels.  I guess he didn't get the news that a GOP official in Michigan said that the way to fix Detroit's problems is to round up all the Indians (a quaint euphemism for the blahs), put a fence around the city, and throw in some watermelons corn and blankets.

Greg Gutfeld was proud as punch that he could shoehorn Obama into the [Justin] Bieber story.  I guess that's sort of like Obama playing the Bieber-card to take the spotlight off  Obamacare.  Or Benghazi.  Or all those other Obama thingies; take your pick.  In a related story, MSNBC news host Andrea Mitchell was having a discussion about the NSA when she interrupted her guest for a special news-breaking story on the arrest of, you guessed it, Justin Bieber.        

A Bit of Come-Back-and-Bite-You-in-the-Ass Karma 

Well, that WAS my job until I got caught in a hotel room with a woman not my wife.

Holy Hypocrisy, Hogwarts!  What is the world coming to?  The conservatives have legislated the crap out of the non-existent Democratic voter fraud issue long and loud, but have always denied that there is anything remotely true about Republican election fraud.  Oh yeah?

How about that little thingy in Michigan in 2012?  U.S. Representative Thaddeus McCotter decided to run for president that year.  His campaign lasted all of two months, so he decided to run for his House seat again.  Unfortunately for old Thad, he failed to qualify for the  Republican primary in his congressional district after massive fraud by his staff resulted in the rejection of approximately 85% of his petition signatures as invalid.   Four of his aides were subsequently indicted on federal election charges for what the Republican Attorney General called a blatant and disgraceful attempt to qualify the Congressman for this year's ballot.

So, entering Stage Right comes Dinesh D'Souza, the far-right pulpit pounding writer, speaker, and film producer of all things anti-liberal, especially President Barack Obama.  D'Souza's fantasy film that was loved and worshiped by conservatives nationwide warned that Barack Obama’s attitude toward America derives from his father's anti-colonialism and from a psychological desire to fulfill his father's dream of diminishing the power of Western imperial states.  Well, that must have happened through osmosis, since the senior Obama went back to Kenya when Barack was two years old, spent one month with him and his mother when Barack was ten; he never saw -- or heard from -- his father again.  But never let facts get in the way of a good Obama- bashing.  (Readers might remember that Newt Gingrich, who is obviously a devoted fan of D'Souza's fairy tales, took up the mantra in his failed campaign to become the GOP presidential nominee in 2012, by saying of the President, ...only if you understand his Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior can you piece together his actions.  Well no wonder Newt is upset.  He did plan to colonize the moon when he became president.)

But last week, karma came a-knocking on Dinesh's door in the form of federal indictments charging him with one count of making illegal campaign contributions and one count of causing false statements to be made to the FEC.  His lawyer makes these illegal actions sound like they were committed by a didn't-know-any-better child, saying that helping a friend with an election campaign was at most, an act of misguided friendship and that his client did not act with any corrupt or criminal intent whatsoever.  Uh huh; try that defense strategy on the judge.

Of course, Alex Jones and his ilk have gone absolutely ballistic.

Shhh, You Can't Say That Out Loud!

Sorry, that growth is inoperable.  You brought it on yourself.  Live with it.

The Republican National Committee has taken a break from doing nothing useful to holding  a meeting of all the state members in Washington for three days to further accomplish nothing terribly constructive.  They defended Chris Christie for his leadership, but refused to bless him as their standard bearer for 2016.  Then they worked up a better primary schedule.  Then they figured out positive ways for the GOP to improve its image and be more inclusive to the various demographic groups that they pissed off in 2012.  And 2008.  And so on.  Actually, I lied about that last one.  And things got worse while they were meeting.

Ten months after anointing Mike Huckabee as the model for the Republican Party, Reince Priebus was treated to the sight and sound of his party's model calling American women stupid and slutty because they wanted their healthcare insurance to include contraception.  OK, that was bad.  But then comes the news that as governor of Arkansas, Huckabee himself demanded that contraception be included in healthcare issues.  Please proceed, Governor.

The attendees also tried to defrock a Michigan RNC member who was not in attendance at the DC confab for running around his district saying really nasty things about Muslims and the LGBT community.  Now don't go thinking the GOP has gotten all mushy or that it has a threshold on homophobia and bigotry.  They don't care what he thinks, it's what he says that they object to; they've known about this guy for a long time.  Oh, he refused to resign.  Your move, Reince. 

In Illinois, GOP candidate Susanne Anus Atanus is trying to unseat Democratic Rep. Jan Schakowsky, is campaigning on the theory that autism and dementia -- and maybe ingrown toenail; I dunno --are God's punishment for abortions and gay marriage. 

Down in Rick Scott's purge the voter roles territory, a Republican candidate for Florida's House of Representatives must think that even bad publicity is a good thing for an unknown.  He made the mistake of declaring publicly that President Obama should be hanged, which earned him a meeting with the Secret Service.  That group is rather sensitive to what is said about the individual they are sworn to protect.

A Hodgepodge of This, That and the Other

In his typical shoot-first-and-aim-later fashion, Mitt Romney jumped right in and defended Chris Christie, saying that he handled the bridge scandal in a very effective way.  That was on January 18; no word from Mittens since the rest of shit pile has it the fan in New Jersey.  Perhaps he should have gone to Sochi and criticized the Russians for how they're running the Olympics.

Joe Arpiao is thinking of running for governor of Arizona.  Good God.

The Associate Press wants George Zimmerman to stop trying to sell his newest painting, saying it is based on one of their photos. 

Right after refusing to extend unemployment benefits for out-of-work Americans, Eric Cantor spent $105 tax-payer dollars on breakfast for two at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland.  No, seriously!

Steve Stockman goes missing.  Does anyone care?  Will his photo start appearing on milk cartons soon?

NASA's Mars rover kicked up a rock with a message from God on it.  Written in every language known to man, the message read: GET OFF MY LAWN!  (God can get a bit touchy at times, can't She? )

There's no truth to the rumor that Sarah Palin is in hiding because she believes that the barracuda cloud control thing that she sees on every web page is really the NSA following her around in an attempt to control her thoughts.  No, the NSA has determined that Palin's thoughts are useless.

End Note

If the GOP is Getting Crazier, This Must be an Election Year

by Sunnyjane

GOP aide:  What we did in 2013 didn't work, but we don't know what to do in 2014.

Clean out your freezers, folks, because it's time to start adding new and exciting names of the Republicans who should be left out in the cold on November  4.

Last November, Majority Leader Eric Cantor called House Republican members into his office and handed them a copy of his 2014 agenda -- a blank piece of paper.  No, seriously.

The Republican aide semi-quoted above added:  Cantor wants to take us in a new direction, which is good. The problem is we don’t know where we are headed, and we don’t know what we can sell to our members.  That's a plan?  Hmpf!  Who knew?

Actually, they did come up with an awesome 2014 agenda in which they intend to tackle  the real economic issues facing middle-class Americans and painting a more positive image of the party.  Fresh and innovative, isn't it?  WOW!  I guess that's going to happen right after they all attend the March for Life rally -- which is an annual far-right protest against the Supreme Court's Roe v. Wade 1973 decision -- on January 22.

Of course, as Alan Grayson points out, the House may as well do nothing, considering some of the bills members introduced in 2013, such as: allowing states to nullify any federal law; a bill that would require every high school student to read Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged; one to prohibit lap dancing and Jello wrestling; a bill that would establish a state religion; and a bill that would allow restaurants, hotels, hair salons and other businesses to deny service to gay customers.  Yep, that's how they intend to paint a more positive image of the GOP.  Hell, that ain't even a good white-wash!

But they truly are working hard to improve their image.  After all, they've held seminars on how to talk to women, and have just sent a memo to members on how to act all sympathetic and stuff toward unemployed Americans for whom they have just cut off unemployment benefits.

What a bunch of morans.

The Wyoming Whiz Who Was, Wimped

And then I'll let you know when I'm quitting!

Darth Vader's darling daughter, Liz Cheney, decided that her run against a popular establishment Republican probably wasn't going to go her way, so she quit the race.  The irony of that entire issue is that Sen. Mike Enzi was leaning toward giving up on politics this year.  However, when Liz carpetbagged into the Cowboy State and informed him that she'd be mounting a primary challenge against him, he got a little testy and seemed to have adopted a Bring it on! attitude.

It was not at all a smart move, especially in light of the fact that she'd never held elected office.  Frankly, I'm betting my auntie's old pink panties that Karl Rove got to her.  After all, he's going to have his hands full as it is.  For example...

Does Texas Have a Lock on Crazy?

And if Texas voters had brains larger than a grasshopper's, you wouldn't be in Washington

Now I'm no mental health expert, but I feel comfortable saying that Steve Stockman is, well, certifiably nuts.

The first thing Stockman did after being sworn in last January was vote against John Boehner to retain his Speakership.   Politically, that probably wasn't the smartest move to make.  The second thing he did was invite Ted Nugent to the State of the Union address.  Yes, the same Ted Nugent who said in 2007 that then-candidate Barack Obama could suck on my machine gun!  In April 2012, Nugent earned himself a little meeting with the Secret Service after he proclaimed that if the president were reelected, I'll either be dead or in jail.  So from a use of good judgment standpoint, this wasn't one of Stockman's, er, shinier moments.  (You have to wonder what Sarah Palin thought of Ted Nugent's being invited to the State of the Union address and she wasn't; bet the old fridge took a beating THAT night.)

Stockman's against everything remotely liberal and for everything extremely conservative.  He's a birther, calling the President's long-form birth certificate fraudulent;  he's against everything LGBT; and he loves guns, hates abortion.  Back in 1995, he decided that the 1993 raid on the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, had been a conspiracy between then-President Clinton and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms as an excuse to ban all assault weapons.  Before becoming an elected official, he was stopped and searched by law enforcement officials, who discovered cellophane-wrapped Valium in his under drawers.  He somehow convinced the authorities that his girlfriend had put them there, and the charges were reduced from a felony to a misdemeanor.  (I don't even want to think about that!)

According to the Houston Chronicle, the Congressman has had legal, ethical, and financial disclosure issues: Both as a candidate and as a congressman, Rep. Steve Stockman of Clear Lake has failed to make federally required disclosures about business affiliations that stretch from Texas to the British Virgin Islands, and has provided no details about the business he claims as his sole source of income.

He's also on an impeach-the-President crusade, and has walked the halls of congress passing out copies of a recently published book titled, Impeachable Offenses, Removing Barack Obama from Office.  Two guesses who published this little tome -- it was World Net Daily, of course.  Who else?

Stockman is also a filthy pig -- no insult to bacon-on-the-hoof intended.  A just published report on his recently condemned campaign headquarters in Texas shows that his staff there worked in what can only be called total squalor.  Slums are probably cleaner and have more class.
 

A picture is worth a thousand words.

As the deadline loomed last November, Stockman made what just might the stupidest move in political history: he filed papers to challenge John Cornyn for his senate seat.  Just one reason that it's a stupid move is because the two-term Cornyn has $7 million for his campaign, where Stockman has only $37,000, and the primary is March 4.

The Congressman wasted no time, however, in updating his campaign web site.  However, on it he claimed endorsements he did not have, such as touting the NRA's support for him.  It wasn't long before he got just a little push-back on that issue, as reported by the Huffington Post:  the NRA has actually endorsed Stockman's opponent, incumbent Sen. John Cornyn. NRA is not endorsing Rep. Stockman, or supporting him," NRA spokesman Andrew Arulanandam told HuffPost in December. "Any claims to the contrary by him are totally false."

Seems to me that unless John Cornyn is discovered making midnight whoopie with a wombat, he'll be back in the senate in 2015.

End Note

Yep, it's definitely an election year!  Stay tuned; there will be more.