Wednesday, August 7, 2013

A C4P Fantasy: Sarah vs. Hillary 2016

by Sunnyjane

What in the name of little green apples, you have every right to be thinking, is Sunnyjane on about now?   Hmpf!  Don't blame Sunnyjane.  This brilliant concept came from one of our dear friends over at the Urinal, and while it's true that those folks need to turn on the Weather Channel to confirm for themselves that it's raining outside, I decided it was incumbent upon Politicalgates to thoroughly investigate such an unlikely scenario as a 2016 campaign between Democratic candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton and Republican Tea Party candidate Sarah Heath Palin.  Hey, we just might be dissuaded from our preconceived liberal  notions, right? 

To whit, a Pee Ponder recently declared that in a three-way debate between Hillary Clinton, Jeb Bush, and Sarah Palin, that their queen would win -- no contest.  I think Bush and Clinton would concede the contest to Sarah forthwith if the debate moderator's questions dealt solely with the art and science of grifting, the practical benefits of breast enhancement/push 'em up bras, and the commonsense value of being totally stupid. 

I'm going to leave Jeb out of this analysis.  Not only has his mother said there have already been too many Bushes in the White House, but Jeb's foray this spring into the will he/won't he run in 2016 was short-lived and uninspiring because he was merely hawking his new book about immigration wars.  [Why is it that Republicans always have to be at war with something?]

But even more recently, C4P was touting an article proclaiming that, compared to Palin's,  Clinton's résumé was thin.

Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one*
Wasilla High School, Class of '82
Main South High School, Class of '65

  High School senior photos

Both of our fantasy candidates -- neither of whom has yet declared herself a candidate for 2016 -- played sports in high school.  And there the comparison between the two pretty much comes to a screeching halt.

Hillary Clinton:  Hillary was very involved in her schools' social and academic life throughout her primary and secondary education years.  As a Brownie and Girl Scout, she earned many awards for her achievements.  In high school, she participated in the student council, the school newspaper, and was selected for the National Honor Society.  In her senior year, Hillary was a National Merit Finalist and ended up graduating in the top five percent of her class.

Sarah Palin:                            This page intentionally left blank.

Most people go to college to further their education -- by opening their minds -- but some just go to get a degree that looks fairly acceptable on a résumé completely devoid of other academic, civic, or social accomplishments.                    

Somewhere in the far-out collegesphere
So stay with me here, as we take Sarah's circuitous route on her path to higher education: from high school in 1982 to the University of Hawaii, Hawaii Pacific University, North Idaho College, University of Idaho, Matanuska-Susitna College, and back to the University of Idaho where -- supposedly -- they gave her a bullshit bachelor's degree in communications with an emphasis in journalism in 1987. 
How much emphasis in journalism there was is still, um, debatable.

Wellesley College, '65-'69
College served Hillary Rodham well, and certainly opened her mind.  Having been raised in a Republican home, her political leanings were, of course, conservative.  However, her mother wanted her to have an independent, professional career and her father, otherwise a traditionalist, was of the opinion that his daughter's abilities and opportunities should not be limited by gender.

Rodham's choice of political science as a major, plus her changing liberal attitudes towards the civil rights movement and the Vietnam War, led her to the progressive activism of the times.  She became the first  student in Wellesley's history to deliver the commencement address, which received a seven-minute standing ovation.  She was awarded a bachelor's degree, with departmental honors in political science.

In an interesting coincidence, Hillary Rodham spent that summer after graduation from Wellesley in Alaska, washing dishes at Mount McKinley National Park and gutting salmon at a processing plant in Valdez.   She was fired after complaining about unsafe conditions at the plant, but it immediately shut down.  [Chortle]

She entered Yale in the fall where her studies, internships and activism led her to a life-time advocacy for children's rights issues.  Hillary received her Juris Doctor degree in 1973.

The Post College Years


Sarah Heath spent a brief period in broadcast journalism for television KTUU-TV in Anchorage, where she honed her foreign language skills while describing basketball players filding the ball and hittin' the basket.  She also wrote sports reports  for The Frontiersman, though they seem to have disappeared into the archives of God, Don't Ever Let Anyone See THOSE!

Hillary Rodham's fledgling career was somewhat different, though surely not half as exciting.  She was a low-level member of the impeachment inquiry staff advising the House Committee on the Judiciary during the Watergate Scandal.  Under the guidance of Chief Counsel John Doar  and senior member Bernard Nussbaum, Rodham helped research procedures of impeachment and the historical grounds and standards for impeachment. The committee's work culminated in the resignation of President Richard Nixon in August 1974.   [Full disclosure: During her campaign for president in 2008, there were blog articles that said Rodham was fired by John Doar for  being a liar and for employing unethical legal practices.  These allegations do not seem to have gained much traction, but are sure to resurface should she run in 2016.  Only Doar, who is 91 years old, would be able to confirm or deny with any certainty.  This may be one reason the members of the House hearing on Benghazi were so quick to compare Benghazi to Watergate.] 

Marriage and Family

Hillary Rodham married Bill Clinton in October 1975; their daughter, Chelsea, was born in February 1980.  Sarah Heath married Todd Palin in August 1988; their first child, Track, was born in April 1989.

Neither woman has had what could be called an idyllic marriage.   The main difference, however, is their parenting style.  The Clintons fought to protect their daughter's privacy as she was growing up.  The Palins, of the other hand, took every opportunity to thrust their children into the limelight as much as possible, and then complained bitterly about the bad publicity they received. 

Chelsea Clinton grew into a self-assured, highly educated young woman; the Palin children, um, did not.   

Chelsea has recently said that she may, at some point, follow her parents into politics.  Bristol Palin has also said she would not rule out running for office.  [Snort!]

Résumé v. Résumé, in Brief

Sarah Heath Palin:  Temporary journalist, member of the Wasilla Council, mayor of Wasilla, Vice Presidential candidate in 2008, quitter governor of Alaska, Fox News contributor, Fox News contributor (again).

Hillary Rodham Clinton:  Lawyer, law professor, First Lady of Arkansas, First Lady of the United States for two terms, two-term senator from New York, presidential candidate hopeful in 2008, United States Secretary of State. 

Publications:  Clinton has published ten books, many on child advocacy.  Palin has published two books; one whinging about how she was mistreated by the McCain campaign staff in 2008, and one on another subject -- her heart in America or some such rot -- I dunno.  She has another one coming out about getting Jesus back into Christmas and getting commercialism out of Christmas -- just in time for Christmas sales, of course.

A Slightly Cheeky Look at the Two Candidates

Hillary Clinton has lunch in the Rose Garden with President Barack Obama

Sarah Palin dines with Donald Trump in some pizza dive

Secretary of State Clinton meets with our ally, the President of South Korea

Sarah Palin canoodles with Tea Party racist Ken Crow [not our ally]

Hillary Clinton gave the commencement address to 6,000 NYU grads in Yankee Stadium

Sarah Palin gave the commencement address to 27 high school students in Republic, Washington

Hillary Clinton looking tailored and fresh


Hillary Rodham Clinton has just had a children's library in Arkansas named after her.


somewhere in Wasilla, there's a bar stool named after Sarah Heath Palin -- or so I understand.


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