|Uh...here endeth the Gospel According to Nobody. Amen.|
According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, the Family Research Council -- which proudly sponsors this annual confab of far-right religionistas -- is a hate group that makes false claims about the LGBT community based on discredited research and junk science in order to fight same-sex marriage, hate crime legislation, etc; you get the drift. A prime example of this homophobia is the guy who actually came in second in the VVS straw poll. That would be Dr. Ben Carson, who not only has stated on different occasions that Obamacare is worse than slavery and worse than the 9/11 tragedy, but offered his opinion on same-sex marriage by stating that No group, be they gays, be they NAMBLA [North American Man-Boy Love Association], be they people who believe in bestiality ... they don't get to change the definition of marriage. Yeah, that guy.
Since the Republican Tea Party has no cohesive agenda around which to unify, the only thing left is to urge their base to vote for their religious extremism so that we can finally have a Constitution based on God’s laws, not man’s laws. Cause, you know, our rights come from On High, not from mere mortals. Thus, it seems that the Founding Fathers had no business writing that darn document in the first place! No, it doesn’t make one iota of sense, but there you have it.
Well gee, it must be an election year, because they seemed to have been keeping their homophobia in the closet last weekend. Even Michele Bachmann decided that talking about gay marriage is boring. Maybe she's finally tired of hearing herself talk; I dunno. One does wonder what Tony Perkins, Homophobe-in-Chief at the FRC, thought of that. So absent the occasion to spew vitriol over Teh Gays, the speakers used up most of the oxygen in the room ranting about President Obama. Nothing new there.
A Few Scraps from the Hate Heap
-- Ted Cruz played a rollicking good game of Deflection at the Hatefest by calling the Democrats an extreme, radical party that wants to take away the rights of Americans. (Snort!) In an effort to fling every arrow in his own fanatical quiver, the Canadian senator pontificated on every topic he could think of, including Obamacare, gun rights, and the persecution of Christians around the world. He then went on to berate President Obama on Iran's nuclear proliferation negotiations, saying that the Iranians are sitting down swilling Chardonnay with the Americans... and that we needed a president who would take a tougher stand. This prompted Andrea Mitchell, in one of her more astute moments, to respond that perhaps we need a president who knows Iranians don't drink. Cruz won the straw poll for president with twenty-five percent and the poll for vice president with twenty-two percent.
-- Sarah Palin let us know that there's no truth coming out of the venerable Willard Hotel situated at 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue; I'm certain the Willard appreciated that a lot. Palin tried to press every tired old button in her already limited arsenal, including the fact that seeing military veterans gives her goose bumps. (Is that something we needed to know?) But, of course, she's afraid that America isn't going to survive the dense, liberal elite and their Orwellian leaders who want to control other people's lives. Surely it must have been an oversight that she didn’t explain how Republican’s advocating government regulations over women’s health decisions, people’s right to marry the person they love, and free and open voting doesn’t constitute controlling our lives. Right? Out of 901 votes in the straw poll, Palin garnered only nine. It's interesting to note that Write-In Candidate beat her with thirteen votes. Better pick up the pace, Sarah.
-- So bored with gay marriage is Michele Bachmann that now she is advocating taking our military back to the 1980s when, you know, we had Peace through Strength! with Ronald Reagan at the helm, and we didn't lose four Americans in Benghazi! She's right; we actually lost 250 servicemen at an embassy in Beirut. Bachmann also wants the President to declare war with Islam. So, at the direction of Secretary of State John Kerry, the Pentagon is reconfiguring its computer models to locate the elusive country of Islam about which Ms. Bachmann speaks; so far, there’s only a lot of earlobe-pulling and head-scratching going on in the War Room. Dick Cheney, ever anxious to drop a bomb anywhere in the world, is doing his part by snarling at his computer monitor because Googlemaps.com has let him down again. No word as to when he’ll appear on Fox to berate the President for not yet declaring war with Google. Bachmann only managed to get eleven votes in the straw poll.
-- Rand Paul is still trying to retrofit his image. President Obama is an arrogant autocrat. The President acts like a king. There's a spiritual crisis in America. We've got to rediscover our mojo. We've arrived at the day of reckoning. Yada, yada, yada. Zzzzzzzzz... Rand Paul pulled in sixty-three votes.
-- Rick Santorum's shtick is so old and tired -- protecting marriage, the glue that holds the family together... Oh, never mind. You've heard it all before. But he did manage to rake in (heh) eighty-seven votes to be the Republican candidate for President of the United States.