Sunday, January 26, 2014

Republicans Behaving Badly -- and OTHER Good News

by Sunnyjane

The Tea Party-infused GOP -- and all those who worship with them -- cannot help itself: it has to act Stupid, Stupider, Stupidest; there must be some sort of contest on that side of the political spectrum.

We may as well jump right in and see what they've been up to during the first four weeks of this Year of the Horse.  (And please note that I did not say horse's ass, although come to think of it...)

Pox News Sets the Standard for Obama Derangement Syndrome

But if we were going to discuss the derriere of the Equus ferus caballus, the place to start would definitely be Fox News.  I gleefully admit that there hasn't been much good news for conservatives to talk about lately -- the Ailes book, Christ Christie, Bob McDonnell, Scott Walker praising a registered sex offender who has, among other issues, convictions for forgery, battery, and drunk driving -- so in a pinch they turn to racism and/or President Obama. 

Eric Bolling just had to make the pronouncement that there is no racism in America because we have a Black president and there are all those, you know, Black entertainment channels.  I guess he didn't get the news that a GOP official in Michigan said that the way to fix Detroit's problems is to round up all the Indians (a quaint euphemism for the blahs), put a fence around the city, and throw in some watermelons corn and blankets.

Greg Gutfeld was proud as punch that he could shoehorn Obama into the [Justin] Bieber story.  I guess that's sort of like Obama playing the Bieber-card to take the spotlight off  Obamacare.  Or Benghazi.  Or all those other Obama thingies; take your pick.  In a related story, MSNBC news host Andrea Mitchell was having a discussion about the NSA when she interrupted her guest for a special news-breaking story on the arrest of, you guessed it, Justin Bieber.        

A Bit of Come-Back-and-Bite-You-in-the-Ass Karma 
Well, that WAS my job until I got caught in a hotel room with a woman not my wife.

Holy Hypocrisy, Hogwarts!  What is the world coming to?  The conservatives have legislated the crap out of the non-existent Democratic voter fraud issue long and loud, but have always denied that there is anything remotely true about Republican election fraud.  Oh yeah?

How about that little thingy in Michigan in 2012?  U.S. Representative Thaddeus McCotter decided to run for president that year.  His campaign lasted all of two months, so he decided to run for his House seat again.  Unfortunately for old Thad, he failed to qualify for the  Republican primary in his congressional district after massive fraud by his staff resulted in the rejection of approximately 85% of his petition signatures as invalid.   Four of his aides were subsequently indicted on federal election charges for what the Republican Attorney General called a blatant and disgraceful attempt to qualify the Congressman for this year's ballot.

So, entering Stage Right comes Dinesh D'Souza, the far-right pulpit pounding writer, speaker, and film producer of all things anti-liberal, especially President Barack Obama.  D'Souza's fantasy film that was loved and worshiped by conservatives nationwide warned that Barack Obama’s attitude toward America derives from his father's anti-colonialism and from a psychological desire to fulfill his father's dream of diminishing the power of Western imperial states.  Well, that must have happened through osmosis, since the senior Obama went back to Kenya when Barack was two years old, spent one month with him and his mother when Barack was ten; he never saw -- or heard from -- his father again.  But never let facts get in the way of a good Obama- bashing.  (Readers might remember that Newt Gingrich, who is obviously a devoted fan of D'Souza's fairy tales, took up the mantra in his failed campaign to become the GOP presidential nominee in 2012, by saying of the President, ...only if you understand his Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior can you piece together his actions.  Well no wonder Newt is upset.  He did plan to colonize the moon when he became president.)

But last week, karma came a-knocking on Dinesh's door in the form of federal indictments charging him with one count of making illegal campaign contributions and one count of causing false statements to be made to the FEC.  His lawyer makes these illegal actions sound like they were committed by a didn't-know-any-better child, saying that helping a friend with an election campaign was at most, an act of misguided friendship and that his client did not act with any corrupt or criminal intent whatsoever.  Uh huh; try that defense strategy on the judge.

Of course, Alex Jones and his ilk have gone absolutely ballistic.

Shhh, You Can't Say That Out Loud!

Sorry, that growth is inoperable.  You brought it on yourself.  Live with it.

The Republican National Committee has taken a break from doing nothing useful to holding  a meeting of all the state members in Washington for three days to further accomplish nothing terribly constructive.  They defended Chris Christie for his leadership, but refused to bless him as their standard bearer for 2016.  Then they worked up a better primary schedule.  Then they figured out positive ways for the GOP to improve its image and be more inclusive to the various demographic groups that they pissed off in 2012.  And 2008.  And so on.  Actually, I lied about that last one.  And things got worse while they were meeting.

Ten months after anointing Mike Huckabee as the model for the Republican Party, Reince Priebus was treated to the sight and sound of his party's model calling American women stupid and slutty because they wanted their healthcare insurance to include contraception.  OK, that was bad.  But then comes the news that as governor of Arkansas, Huckabee himself demanded that contraception be included in healthcare issues.  Please proceed, Governor.

The attendees also tried to defrock a Michigan RNC member who was not in attendance at the DC confab for running around his district saying really nasty things about Muslims and the LGBT community.  Now don't go thinking the GOP has gotten all mushy or that it has a threshold on homophobia and bigotry.  They don't care what he thinks, it's what he says that they object to; they've known about this guy for a long time.  Oh, he refused to resign.  Your move, Reince. 

In Illinois, GOP candidate Susanne Anus Atanus is trying to unseat Democratic Rep. Jan Schakowsky, is campaigning on the theory that autism and dementia -- and maybe ingrown toenail; I dunno --are God's punishment for abortions and gay marriage. 

Down in Rick Scott's purge the voter roles territory, a Republican candidate for Florida's House of Representatives must think that even bad publicity is a good thing for an unknown.  He made the mistake of declaring publicly that President Obama should be hanged, which earned him a meeting with the Secret Service.  That group is rather sensitive to what is said about the individual they are sworn to protect.

A Hodgepodge of This, That and the Other

In his typical shoot-first-and-aim-later fashion, Mitt Romney jumped right in and defended Chris Christie, saying that he handled the bridge scandal in a very effective way.  That was on January 18; no word from Mittens since the rest of shit pile has it the fan in New Jersey.  Perhaps he should have gone to Sochi and criticized the Russians for how they're running the Olympics.

Joe Arpiao is thinking of running for governor of Arizona.  Good God.

The Associate Press wants George Zimmerman to stop trying to sell his newest painting, saying it is based on one of their photos. 

Right after refusing to extend unemployment benefits for out-of-work Americans, Eric Cantor spent $105 tax-payer dollars on breakfast for two at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland.  No, seriously!

Steve Stockman goes missing.  Does anyone care?  Will his photo start appearing on milk cartons soon?

NASA's Mars rover kicked up a rock with a message from God on it.  Written in every language known to man, the message read: GET OFF MY LAWN!  (God can get a bit touchy at times, can't She? )

There's no truth to the rumor that Sarah Palin is in hiding because she believes that the barracuda cloud control thing that she sees on every web page is really the NSA following her around in an attempt to control her thoughts.  No, the NSA has determined that Palin's thoughts are useless.

End Note

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