Thursday, July 4, 2013

(Satire) This Just In: Sarah Palin Forms New 'FreeDumb' Party

by Sunnyjane

 Palinbots look forward to their FreeDumb Party T-shirts: Dummies 4 Palin 2016!
The sun had barely set on the fourth anniversary of the day she quit on the citizens of her beloved North Star State when Sarah Palin announced at the ballroom of the elite Best Western Motel in Wasilla that she was quitting the Republican Party to establish the FreeDumb Party.

In a highly publicized press conference attended by three local reporters, one hung-over stringer photographer from CNN, and a lesbian wedding party that had just arrived from California and were looking for something to do,  the loser GOP vice-presidential candidate screeched breathlessly: 

A real conservative party has gotta have the chootspah to stand up to the Obama administration’s felled policies which are bringing down the exceptionalism that Americans are hungering to see again and makin’ sure that the hordes of illegal aliens that are rearin’ their heads in Mexico because it’s all about shorin’ up those jobs, also too, so they can build those fences along the western border to keep brown babies from going out and voting for the Democrat Party that is not paying attention to the commonsense solutions that are necessary for our national security and smaller government and stop trying to raise those taxes on the poor rich people in this nation and not acting like dead fish goin' with the flow. 

[One member of the wedding party was overheard whispering,  And the far-right thinks we're weird?]

Bravely Facing Those Gotcha-Question Reporters

Governor Palin is just like us!  We are now Free to be Dumb just like her!  YAY!

Palin appeared so grizzly-mama-eager to engage the reporters that Todd and his buddies blocked the exits, Piper Diaper passed around still-frozen Costco finger-foods on paper plates, and Willow and Bristol tried to wake up the drunk photographer by kicking him in the kidneys repeatedly.

After receiving a severe pinch from Piper for spitting his Cheesy Pig-in-a-Blanket in the nearest trash receptacle, one reporter finally asked, Governor, why aren't the Republicans compromising with the President and their Democratic counterparts  on important issues that affect the nation?

After glancing at her hand and seeing only Trig's b'day 4/18/08 Wasilla Anchorage Wasilla, Palin responded:  It's because Obama is a spend, spend, spend socialist president that's taking away the freedoms from real Americans in those small towns where they grow good people, have lots of Taco Bells, and the fat ones get to ride around on those cute scooters that Medicare gives away for free.  I love those fat folks, ya know?

Another reporter tried gamely to get a coherent response from the quitter governor:  Ms. Palin, the House seems reluctant to bring bills, in this instance the Immigration bill passed recently by the Senate, to the floor for a vote.  Do you think Speaker Boehner should be invoking the Hastert Rule so flagrantly? 

Palin:  On the issue of the Has Dirt Rule, I'd say yes, but only if he has dirt on the Democrat party.  If he only has dirt on the Republican Party, he should invent another rule.  Next question.       

President Palin

After a few more lamestream media questions, the former governor decided she was getting tired and would only take one more question.  

Palin:  You, the guy drinking beer with those lesbians!  Ask me a question.

Reporter:  Sorry, Governor, I was just asking where they had gotten married because my partner and I want to get married soon and their wedding pictures are beautiful.

Palin:  Marriage between two people of the same sex is illegal!  Ever heard of DOMA?

Reporter:  Uh, Governor, surely you're heard that the Supreme Court struck down DOMA, right?

Palin:  Why didn't somebody tell me?  Oh, well, whatever.  Just ask a question!

Reporter:  OK, Governor.  You do realize that a FreeDumb Party win in 2016 would still only give you the minority vote in the House and Senate, right?  How do you intend to combat the Republican or Democratic votes against bills you might propose?

Palin:  I do not intend to have any lackadaisical shuckers and jivers in my administration!

The Three Weary Reporters:  Um, thanks, Governor.  See you around.   

End Note


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