April 2014: A Big Month for Right-Wing 'Common Sense'

by Sunnyjane

The pervasive stench of right-wing lies, hypocrisy, deceit, fraud, hatred...

It's as if the earth stopped spinning on its axis for seven-hundred-twenty-hours and the entire month of April became one big, bad Tea Party Fools Day -- even with the House of Idiots in recess almost half of that time.  What, did John Boehner send out a memo reading: Just continue acting stupid until we get back.

From bigotry to indictments to more plagiarism to cruelly bungled prison executions, to an outbreak of foot-in-mouth disease, the GOPers seemed to find it necessary to further demonstrate what total fools they are.

So, in no particular order, let's review why April 2014 was a terrible, no-good, very bad month for the far-right idiots in this country.

Racism, The Musical

♫♪ Brothers, brothers, we go together like no others... ♫♪

-- Cliven Bundy, who made his Politicalgates debut just recently, has made it necessary to once again receive our attention.  In the ongoing saga out at the Bigot Ranch, where the cattle roam free on public land, there's now a clash between rival militias as to which of these anti-government groups will make the bigger asses of themselves because there's a civil war a'comin', y'all.  Well ain't that just dandy.

Similar to the Jets and the Sharks in West Side Story, the Three Percenters and the Oath Keepers are staring into the opposite gangs' gun barrels.  It seems that Oath Keepers are persona non grata because they walked away from the ranch after the BLM showdown, and the Three Percenters are calling them out for deserting the cause.  In fact, the leader of the Three Percenters has threatened the deserters with shooting them in the back.  This, um, leader, one Mike Vanderboegh, has also threatened to castrate Harry Reid.  It's all pretty icky, don't you think?  One peculiar thing, however, is how Mr. Vanderboegh is able to lead a gang of anti-government hooligans into onward-Christian-soldiers battle when he's been receiving a $1,300 a month disability check from, uh, the same government he says he doesn't want or need.  I admit it: I'm confused.

Residents around the area are being harassed and endangered by roaming gangs of well-armed out-of-state militiamen, and local law enforcement refuses to get involved.  In fact, à la Gov. Pontius Pilate, Republican Gov. Brian Sandoval has pretty much washed his hands of the whole thing.   

-- So then along came Donald Sterling -- who should know better -- telling his African-American/Mexican mistress, oh excuse me, personal assistant, that he doesn't want her to put photos of herself with The Blacks on any of her social media pages.  And gracious goodness, do not bring them to one of the Clippers games!

The NBA fined Sterling $2.5 million and took away all his basketballs for life.  Now both parties in this affair are speaking out.  Sterling wishes he'd just paid her off, and Stiviano says that while he should apologize for his remarks, he's actually not a racist and she is merely his silly rabbit.  I mean, does it get any tackier than this?

Actually, I have it on somewhat dubious authority that Sterling wants to sell the Clippers to  Bundy, who plans to rename the team the ShuckNJivers.  No, seriously...sort of.

Never Let that Christian Stuff Get in the Way of Your Stupidity

The Gospel According to Sarah Palin.  Amen.  Also. Too.

Possibly more blasphemous and cringe-inducing than her blood libel spoutrage after the January 2011 shootings in Tuscon, Sarah Palin earned herself a huge, well-deserved media wedgie recently by screeching that water-boarding (also known as torture) is the way America would baptize terrorists if she were in charge.  (Translation: If you numbskulls had just elected John McCain and me!)   The world over, those of every religion or no religion are breathing great sighs of relief and muttering, Well, thank God she's NOT in charge.

Granted, I'm no Biblical scholar, but I'm sure we'd have all heard about it if there were a passage where Jesus said, Let he who is without sin be the first to water-board people in my name.

Makes you wonder what Maverick Mac -- who was himself tortured in a Vietnam prison --  thinks of his North Star Nutjob now.  Looks like the Tea Party Republicans may need a new brand of diva.  Dontcha think?

Still Behaving Badly -- Very Badly

So how are those 2016 presidential aspirations going for you, Governor?

-- The fecal matter just keeps falling on Chris Christie's head these days.  There is now a Securities and Exchange Commission investigation into a little fund-finagling going on in New Jersey.  Seems that in 2011, Christie had $1.8 Billion transferred from the Port Authority to New Jersey so that he could use it to fix some crumbling structures issues, thereby keeping a 2010 campaign promise not to raise taxes.

-- Congressman Michael Grimm from New York has been indicted on charges of mail and wire fraud, filing false tax returns and health care payments, hiring undocumented workers and obstruction of justice.  Of course, he's innocent because he's a moral man and this is all just a political witch hunt.  But you knew that, didn't you?  I guess he was also being a moral man when he threatened a reporter that he'd throw him off the balcony in the Capitol Building.

-- Crazy old Steve Stockman is being investigated by the House Ethics Committee for some sort of, um, reporting error he made with the Federal Election Commission.  Of course, it probably doesn't make much difference, since he's not running again.

-- Congressman Vance McAllister, the guy who was caught on video in an extended lip-lock with a campaign staffer, has decided not to run for office this year.  Good idea.

--  It seems that North Carolina con artist pastor and senate candidate Mark Harris, who doesn't believe in the separation of church and state -- he openly begs his congregation for love offerings for his campaign -- has been lifting text from Georgia Rep. Phil Gingrey's website for his own use.  You know, sort of like Rand Paul's little game of plagiarism?  Well, Paul got a little of his own back when Greg Brannon lifted text from his website.  Does it ever end?  Perhaps it doesn't matter; both Harris and Brannon (who was endorsed by Sarah Palin, of course) lost in their respective primaries.

When Voter Suppression Becomes a GOP Voter Obsession

Voters in two states got some relief in April from the repressive far-right ID laws.

--  In Wisconsin, the judge ruled that the requirement that voters show state-issued IDs imposed an undue burden on poor and minority voters.  He also pointed out that Gov. Scott Walker's team could not point to even one instance of voter fraud in Wisconsin in the recent past, saying, ...virtually no voter impersonation occurs in Wisconsin and it is exceedingly unlikely that voter impersonation will become a problem in Wisconsin in the foreseeable future.

--  Democratic Governor Mike Beebe vetoed the original bill, stating that, I cannot approve such an unnecessary measure that would negatively impact one of our most precious rights as citizens.  However, both chambers of the Arkansas legislature voted to overturn the veto, and opponents of the bill took it to court.  However, the court agreed with the plaintiffs that not only was it aimed unfairly at young, low-income, and minority voters, it was simply against the state constitution, which reads ...no power, civil or military, shall ever interfere to prevent the free exercise of the right of suffrage; nor shall any law be enacted whereby such right shall be impaired or forfeited, except for the commission of a felony, upon lawful conviction thereof.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment is Unlawful -- Except in Oklahoma

Rabid pro-death penalty Governor Mary Fallin is so anxious to catch up with Rick Perry's execution numbers that she screwed the pooch on one recently.  After a panel of judges ruled that the execution should not take place because the potpourri of three drugs needed to do the job had not been tested, Fallin overruled them with an Executive Order.  (Why is it that when President Obama uses EOs he's an Imperialist, but when a Republican governor does it...well, never mind all that.)

With that sharply worded The Show Must Go On directive, the prisoner was strapped to the execution table in a timely manner and the death drugs were administered.  Well, everyone knows what happened, so I shall not repeat it.  Suffice it to say, it ended badly.  Fallin has called for a review of the procedure, but has stated that the next execution will take place as scheduled. Perhaps she is asking Perry for his recipe; I dunno.

Sick of the whole bunch yet?  Yeah, me too.

End Note