Dakota Meyer: Fooled Around & Fell In Love (While On The Rebound), Defender of our Flag, Artist & Pedicure Aficionado

Guest Post by KAO

Dakota just can’t help himself – he’s fallen madly, deeply IN LUV with the AMAZING Bristol Palin. She’s that brawl-master from THAT FAMILY of The Great White North, and he is from a “wonderful little pocket of what (Sarah Palin, potential Monster-In-Law) calls the real America” a place Dakota calls home: Columbia, Kentucky. They have an AMAZING thing. They’ve got SO MUCH in common; for example, both Bristol & Dakota like pedicures. They make your feet feel so soft and smell so yummy!

This here’s a LUV match. Made for the ages!  Destined TO LAST. Cause, that’s how love works, ya know.

But wait, it seems with Dakota, he has a habit of fallin’ in love hard, real hard & real FAST, lickety-split quick.

Enter Regan Judd, a beautiful, luscious blond and former cheerleader at the University of Kentucky. She’s also an AMAZING, sweet young thang from the hills of Kentucky, land of Dakota. But she had a problem: seems her heart wasn’t right – good thing she got proper medical attention, and is now a SPOKESBABE for the Go Red For Women people who help other people with heart problems. She is a very lucky girl, now a model of health. There’s Regan, below in the middle. Isn’t she pretty? Isn’t she truly AMAZING? Yes. Yes, she is.

Dakota saw her Youtube video and was AMAZED and SMITTEN with her, as you can see by his tweet:

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By early November 2013, they were an AMAZING thing.  He took her to the Marine Corps War Memorial Wreath Laying Ceremony, and to the US Marine Corps Ball in Washington, D.C. – They were A COMMITTED COUPLE after only a few weeks! Imagine that – Gosh. That’s QUICK, isn’t it.

Dakota and Regan had a lot in common, too: born and raised in Kentucky, they liked fishing, hunting and both had speaking careers. Regan even introduced Dakota to other worthwhile pursuits, like painting:

Dakota really enjoyed Regan teaching him how to do ART type stuff, but he should prolly stick to his day job, because – no talent. Life was good for Dakota and Regan. They were simply an AMAZING couple:

She did her thing, speaking about her health crisis for the Go Red For Women group, and Dakota did his thing… sometimes, their schedules didn’t always mesh – and that lead to some longing for each other…

Here’s the happy couple over a year later… they celebrated two Christmases together. AMAZING.

 Regan & Dakota were still a thing as of late December 2014. And then, somehow - they weren’t.

Dakota met Bristol 3 weeks later, on January 23, 2015, at The Shot Show in Las Vegas, where he & the AMAZING Sarah Palin infamously held the “FUC_ YOU, Michael Moore” sign – Bristol took that photo:

Just 5 weeks later, Dakota hit his knees & proposed to the SUDDENLY-AMAZING Bristol at a Rascal Flatts concert in Las Vegas on Friday, March 13th. I don’t know about you, but that seems like an awfully short time to get engaged to a virtual stranger! I mean, its not like they HAVE to get married – right?!?

Thank goodness gracious, they DO have a few things in common - like getting drunk, having pedicures and beating the hell out of other people. Maybe they can teach each other things. Dakota can teach the NOW AMAZING Bristol how to pull a gun on someone – the same way the FORMERLY AMAZING Regan tried to teach Dakota how to create art – such as it is… and Bristol can teach him how to throw a left hook, and wear $300 sunglasses – at night – while living on a poor single mom’s “on-call when she damn well feels like going into work at the front doctor’s clinic” salary while gutting and remodeling a $500K house. Doubters might question how Dakota went from a committed, one-plus year relationship with the AMAZING, accomplished, college-educated Regan to… Bristol: the whiny, brawling, daughter of a failed Governor. Bristol’s mom, that Governor, who would rather lob spitballs from the safety of her Twitter and Facebook bunkers than actually do the heavy lifting of actually governing. Yes, Bristol – the notoriously lipo-sculpted, nip-tucked, multi-implanted, botoxed beautiful 24 year old Bristol Palin, who isn’t nearly as… anything… as Regan Judd.

But what do Bristol and Regan have in common? Well, they both have a certain media presence. While Bristol’s media career is notoriously behind her… like Gino, stranded on the side of that road, and Ben, and Joey, and Kyle, and and and and and – Regan’s career is Full Steam Ahead. Dakota didn’t seem to have any interest in politics - until he met Regan, who regularly met with politicians and media types, who helped her to spread her message of heart health for everyone. Perhaps that gave him AN AMAZING IDEA… after all, working for a living, suing people right and left and getting beat up by girls gets old after a while. And its not like he’s totally given-up Regan – he still follows her on Twitter:

Now, Dakota has a new way to court the media: he’s hooked up with the media-savvy Palin’s. And he’s Learning The Way Of The Grifters (but for God’s sake – don’t let him anywhere near a paint brush). He seems to be a quick study… why, just yesterday, Dakota lashed out in a furiously Palin-like limp-wristed fashion at those who would DARE to desecrate HIS FLAG (insert foot-stomp here) on FOX News. How DARE they do such things, and call it ART, to our Star Spangled Banner? The cretins. He’s gonna show em. Why, he’s so damn mad about that whole abusing / stomping on the flag thing that he’s gonna write a FACEBOOK POST!  Yeah – that should do it!  Fear the rage of the great and powerful Dakota:

 

Because, as everyone knows, when Dakota talks about Freedom of speech and the First Amendment – he means it only applies to THINGS that he and certain narrow-minded people like him deems “worthy”. Like FUC_ YOU, Michael Moore, for your free speech that Dakota disagrees with. To hell with YOUR First Amendment Rights, Michael Moore! So there! Our flag is not ART!  (Not that Dakota would recognize art, even if it walked up and said “how-do” before giving him a quick manly fanny-pat, which I think he just might enjoy…) Our art is not freedom! Our Flag is to be cherished!  Our flag is not to be used for anything that is less than noble… anything that is less than… anything that is less… oh, SHIT:

Our flag, as a cheesecake photo prop, on shoes, as a bed & as a shirt. Because, Teabaggers

Good enough for Scott Walker and ‘rill ‘Murikans everywhere – but its not ART, dammit.

Someone had better let Dakota know that the flag being stomped on is probably not the worst thing that could happen to it… look at that poor flag shirt on Scott Walker – EEK! HE’S SWEATING ALL OVER IT!

I guess if Bristol and Dakota are determined to marry, nothing will stop this shotgun wedding. But I do have to wonder if Bristol knew about how quickly Dakota jumps into relationships, how many women are in his past – Regan is just one - and what would they say to her, IF she were to listen to their advice?

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HINT

Click on the screenshots to see the tweets more clearly.

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READ THE FOLLOW-UP:

Wikipedia refuses to acknowledge the first marriage of Dakota Meyer, despite the fact that a marriage certificate and a notification in the local newspaper exists, as well as a bride who then also used the surname "Meyer" for several years