By Bell Peppery
"Bristol, a Book, and the Beach" (Episode 3)
|By KAO - Inspired By Azure Ghost|
My synopsis: Boring Bristol whines some more about being a single Mom, is unhinged by Levi's book excerpts to the point that she shoots several copies of it and trashes L.A. before hightailing it back to Wasilla.
Opening scene is in Wasilla. Andy is working on a snowmachine, Willow comes in wearing some crazy boufant ponytail hairdo. Andy asks what it is like in L.A. and Willow responds, "bunch of liberals," in a sneering voice.
Cut to Hollywood where Bristol explains that she left the mansion and found an apartment. She calls Todd. He is eloquent and loquacious as usual. Bristol whines about needing Willow to come back to L.A. then, she whines about oh, dear god, needing to find a daycare. For some reason they inject a scene where Bristol is learning to drive a forklift at the charity where she is doing "volunteer work". This must be the most boring reality show ever conceived.
Willow returns to LA. Bristol tells Tripp to give Willow a kiss, Tripp is screechy and says, "I hate you" probably at both Willow and Bristol.
In a "The Hills" style cafe scene, Willow is reading texts from her friends about Levi's book. Tripp is being twisted and yanked on by Bristol. Bristol snaps at Willow, "I wish you would help with Tripp." Willow ignores her. They complain about Levi being on Dr. Phil and not paying child support. Bristol thinks Levi is probably in California but, "is not going to make an effort to see Tripp". Self-pity and whining continues, "No one sees what our family goes through..."
They're on the bed talking about Levi's book again. Bristol denies the shower scene. Then, inexplicably, Bristol is asking Willow's advise about co-parenting with Levi; is it doable? Willow, 17 year old peacemaker says, "No, you call Levi a hundred times a month and he never picks up." Bristol ignores Willow's opinion and calls Levi, leaving him this message - "I'm calling to see if you're in CA; do you want to see Tripp? You haven't seen him in 6 months."
Cut to another day when Bristol's friends, Marissa and Jacob, come over for a visit. They sit around discussing Levi's book, mentioning the chapter called, "Mommy Sarah". I'm not sure but, it sounds as if Marissa says, "He really wants her." Bristol concludes the discussion with, "His book is so stupid," and the friends head out to shoot skeet AND copies of Levi's book.
Finally, Bristol and her friends walk around and trash California. Bristol complains of suffering culture shock, "The people here don't care about anyone but themselves," and "It's super scary here." Meanwhile, they are walking by a touristy beach area where people are dancing and enjoying the sun. Oh, the horror. The show closes with Bristol and Tripp looking at pictures of the Palin family. Bristol has learned that L.A. is not for her and she is going home to raise Tripp in Alaska.
Bristol shows Tripp framed photos of the Palin family and her friends which are all publicity shots. Stills from Sarah Palin's Alaska and Alaska Governor family pics. Everything about this show is fake. Everything.
"Baby Daddy Dilemna" (Episode 4)
TV Guide synopsis: "Bristol considers meeting with Levi to discuss his role in Tripp's life but Willow opposes the idea."
My Synopsis: Bristol still has the hots for Levi.
Bristol is struggling with Tripp, trying to get him dressed. Tripp says, "I hate you," (again, like last show). Bristol's voiceover is talking about how Levi is absent from Tripp's life.
Suddenly we are at a skating rink. Bristol is complaining, (again), about Levi; why isn't he around to teach Tripp to skate? Another abrupt cut to Willow and Andy driving to somewhere and Willow says she feels sorry for Trip that he has no one to call daddy. Willow also said Sunny texts Bristol when Levi asks for Tripp but, she asks, is Bristol supposed to jump? (Leadfoot would probably have something insightful to say here but, I'm not her so, let me ask readers to answer Willow's query in the comments).
Gino and Bristol are standing around in the house she is building across the lake from her parent's home. Sarah calls and talks about the ads in Alaska papers offering a reward for information about her faked pregnancy. (Brad Scharlott, you're in the show!) Bristol talks about Trig Truthers. Sarah repeats her crazy remark about showing her stretch marks. Gino asks Bristol, "So, they think they're both yours?" Bristol jokes that she has "children".
Bristol seems to be trying to get a commitment from Gino. She's doing it by complaining about her ex, Levi, though. (Run, Gino, run!) Gino is blase about it all.
Cut to Willow and Bristol doing their nails on a bed. Willow asks, Did Tripp go see Levi this weekend? Bristol says, "No." Then, she says she's thinking of calling Levi to get a set visiting schedule. Bristol calls Levi to invite him to play with Tripp at "Bouncing Bears". He does not answer his phone so she sends a text instructing him to meet them there at 2 o'clock.
All of a sudden, it's an outdoor scene where Bristol runs into Andy. Bristol's boufant is almost Amy Winehouse high. Andy tells her he has only seen his own father twice in his life. Andy says, "I'm fine". This is a poignant moment in the show. Andy steals the show, I think.
On their way to "Bouncing Bear" Bristol asks Tripp, "Do you know who we're going to see? - Levi" Willow asks, "Who are you going to play with Tripp?" Tripp, answers, "Levi and you." Bristol doesn't address Levi as dad to his father. How weird is that? Is she doing her absolute best to pretend that Levi is not Tripp's father? Bristol's pathology runs very deep.
Cut to inside the playdate location, it is 2:40 according to Willow and Levi appears to not have shown up. Bristol is about to call Levi when Willow receives a call from Sunny. We do not hear what Sunny says but, Willow says, "You think my sister is a liar," and they appear to have some kind of phone-catfight, (over Levi).
Bristol takes the phone from her sister and addresses Sunny in a sarcastic tone, "Hey Sunny, how are you guurrll?" And, she starts going off - rat-tat-tat-tat-tat- tells Sunny she has every text of Levi's saved or something like that. Then, Sunny hangs up on Bristol. Bristol proclaims, "She's psychotic" which is rich coming from the person who shot at her son's father's book.
The final scenes are at Bristol's "apartment", (is this the house she's remodeling or a different one?). She says Levi will never be the dad she wants him to be. Gino says he does not want to be in and out of Tripp's life. He asks her, "You love me?" Bristol says she does. She looks insincere and not lovestruck at all. They kiss. No chemistry is apparent. Last vignette is Tripp, Gino and Bristol making cookies in her kitchen. She says she realizes she needs to be with Gino. It should be a warm and fuzzy scene but, it is too contrived. But it is facebook official so it must be real. Right?
Note by Kathleen:
Thank you Bell Peppery for watching on behalf of those who cannot stand to do so. The remarks in red are mine.
Update by Patrick:
We also would like to post Azure Ghost's brilliant original "Bristol cry baby" montage. Azure Ghost herself was inspired after she saw the avatar of our reader Tyroanee! That's one thing what we love about Politicalgates: Exchange and inspiration.
Levi Johnston just published the following on his public facebook page:
It will get interesting.
In addition, this is the full text of the lawsuit filed by Kyle and Christopher Massey against Bristol Palin's producers:
UPDATE 3 (by Kathleen):
In a recent comment Politicalgates reader toesinthesand brought to our attention the fact that Bristol Palin appears to have an unusual sense of which actions are worthy of being attributed as "values". Earlier Bristol wrote on her blog the following remarks:
"But you can’t find a more celebrity-focused area than Los Angeles. Reporters are everywhere trying to get photos of stars, who apparently are everywhere. Since I definitely don’t consider myself a celebrity, it’s always funny to see them trying to snap a photo of me, Tripp, and Willow.
When we were eating outside, I saw them gathering on the other side of the road. On second thought, should I have asked him to stick his tongue out at the media?
Definitely! I’ve got to raise the boy with some values, after all!"
Definitely! I’ve got to raise the boy with some values, after all!"
It is my opinion that:
1. Bristol is totally oblivious to the problems that have been discussed here, on other blogs and in some other sections of the media.
2. This is likely because no-one has explained the bad news to Bristol which is that her unreality show has failed because viewers can't stand watching her subject her child to mental and physical abuse and are equally turned off by her extremely bad parenting skills.
3. Many of the viewers who did tune in likely did so out of a sense of morbid curiosity and it would seem that quite a number were subsequently so disgusted by Willow and Bristol's verbal attacks on Levi and Sunny in front of Tripp that they switched off in droves between episodes 3 and 4.
Thank you Bristol for proving what some of us have been saying for a long time now. You are made of the exact same cloth as your thin skinned mother.