Thursday, June 21, 2012

Mitt Romney's Son: "The Country May Think of You as a Laughing Stock"

by Sunnyjane

Tagg, eldest son of Ann and Mitt, made this prophetic but hardly prudent laughing stock proclamation during the 2006 Christmas gathering of the Romney tribe at their $10 million home-away-from-home in New Hampshire.   Mitt, the CEO, had called a rare holiday session of his nepotistic Board of Directors to determine whether he should run for the Office of the President in 2008 -- or in Mitt's corporate-speak during a round-table of sons and daughters-in-law, Let me ask: How do you minimize the downsides?  In a staged video titled The Decision, (spoiler: the decision had already been made) the wretched ninety-nine percent of the country's population were subjected to thirteen minutes of mind-numbing The Romney Family's Privileged Holiday Togetherness.   What a treat.

In the first eleven minutes of this yawn-inducing film, Ann stands in the luxurious kitchen and attempts to sway the voting public with homey inanities about meal preparation and chore allocation for the week. She also clues us in on Mitt: he's the smartest man she knows, the quickest man she knows, the most energetic man she knows, the funniest man she knows...blah, blah, blah.   (This from a One-Percent wife whose tax deductions for her dressage horses far exceeds the median American household income.)  And then we get to See... Mitt...Do...Stuff:  see Mitt bless the bird; see Mitt play with the grandchildren; see Mitt play in the snow; see Mitt read; see Mitt shovel snow on the expansive back deck.   (Call me a cynic, but it's more credible to believe that Mitt stepped outside and called, Yo!  amigo, hand me la pala!  I’m running for el presidente of the U.S., so I gotta shovel some  snow for the cameras, comprendes?  Pronto, pronto!)

Gone Slumming -- Be Back Very Soon

Mitt Romney wants to be President of the United States -- again. He said so back in June of 2011.  So from the end of 2006, he has telegraphed his desire for the presidency; one has to speculate how many times he's said in quiet rooms to his deep-pocketed corporate buddies, Hey, if you fellows had gotten behind me in 2008, the black guy wouldn't be sitting in the White House today.

But golly gosh darn-it-all, after out-spending his fellow primary knuckleheads hopefuls to capture the 2012 nomination, he was then expected to go out and talk to that stinking cesspool of humanity who call themselves Working Americans.  Holy Megabucks, you envious middle class; give me a break, will ya!  Alas, there was nothing for it but to gird his loins, ditch his expensive business suit for somewhat questionable casual clothing, and get out there amongst the great unwashed masses and press some flesh.  Yeah, that's it!  Wow them with his sincerity and relatability, and prove that Ann's funniest man I know is a super-swell human being.

It hasn't gone well.  Due to his congenital inability to connect with struggling middle-and-lower income Americans, Mitt has managed to insult or alienate practically every demographic voting bloc in the country.  In Pennsylvania, he outraged the owner and patrons of a small business bakery by insultingly suggesting that the award-winning cookies graciously offered to him were from 7-Eleven.

At another small business diner in Derry, New Hampshire, Mitt posed with several waitresses for a photo.  Suddenly he jumped forward, acting as if one of them had pinched his ass and exclaimed, Oh, my goodness gracious!  Later he said he was just teasing and that the gag was kind of fun to do.   The wait staff was humiliated.  Way to go, Funniest Man.

In Florida during the seemingly never-ending GOP primary, multi-millionaire Mitt had the tone-deaf effrontery to utter the infamous words, I should tell my story.  I’m also unemployed to a small group of people explaining the difficulty of finding work.  Great way to connect with the real working class, Willard.

(Are we having a knee-slapping good time yet?) 

Romney had a massive fail at a senior citizens center when he ventured to be...I don't know what he was trying for actually, but he certainly didn't connect!  As the Daily Caller reported, the exchange went like this: Anybody here over 100 years old?   (No response.)  Not yet, but we're getting there, right? We're on our way, he continued.   We're hopefully going to get there soon.   Well, not so soon. We hope to get there safe and sound.  (It's perfectly acceptable here to scratch your head, crease your brow, and murmur, Huh?)

After letting Michigan voters know that he loved cars, lakes, and the fact that the trees were the right height, Mitt went out on another cozy-up-to-the-voters trip and saidI believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love.  Did everyone get that?   He believes in an America...oh, never mind.  It's all too trifling for words. 

Perhaps one of the worst attempts in Mitt's I'm-a-regular-guy routine occurred in 2008 when he was trying to be that election-cycle's candidate.  After attending a Martin Luther King, Jr. parade in Jacksonville, Florida, he rudely inserted himself into a small group of young African Americans for a connecting-with-the-black-folks photo op, threw his arm around one young lady in something akin to a neck-lock, and cried, Hey guys!  Who let the dogs out?  Who, Who!   No one has been able to decipher that one, and thank all that is holy, he has not repeated such an asinine display this go-round.  Of course, the campaign's not over yet...sigh.

End Note

Yes, Tagg, the country does think of your father as a laughing stock: a person of ridicule,  laughter and disdain.

Until Mitt Romney learns to respect the Ninety-Nine percent of Americans, he will get no respect from us.

I don't think it's necessary to hold our breath on such a thing ever happening.     

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