I must really love you people. :-)
Instead of spending a night outside floating around the pool, I am instead camped out on my sofa, reporting on Bristol's appearance on Dr. Drew's Headline News program. I sent Bella upstairs, since I've already heard Bristol whine about all the teenage sex she had and how she's now bitter at Levi Johnston, her baby daddy (twice over, in my opinion). Bella doesn't need to be exposed to the negative energy. So I'm flying solo. The description on my DVR reads: "Addiction specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky interviews celebrities with behavior problems." Sweet! With that apt description, we are off to a good start.
Dr. Drew introduces Bristol as "one of the most famous single moms in America." He gives a quick history and explains that Bristol set off a media firestorm because she was a sexually active teen, while her mother campaigned on a conservative, family values platform, including a no-nonsense stance on abstinence. Now, as a single mom myself, I hope this will play out something like this: "My experiences prove that my mom was wrong. Abstinence is not realistic. Teens must be educated about birth control. Teen girls have to realize that men often leave once they find out their girlfriend is pregnant, yet the woman is stuck raising the child. So they must protect their futures by being educated and responsible." I have a feeling I will be disappointed, as I almost always am with the Palins.
WHOA, I can't even concentrate on Bristol's answer to the first question because her mouth is so, well, F*CKED UP! Her bottom lip has been injected with a ton of collagen, and she appears to have new veneers. Her mouth doesn't appear to be working correctly at all -- the sounds coming out do not match the motions it is making. It reminds me of how I talked when I first got braces.
She again blames Tripp on mistakes she made all in one night. Dr. Drew points out that in California, when an underage woman is intoxicated and has sex, that would be rape. Bristol says it was "obviously consensual because I stayed with him for years on end after that." OH REALLY?! Did you, Bristol? Because the official record shows that you broke up in January of 2009. So if you were impregnated in March of 2008 -- that isn't exactly "years." Once again, Bristol slips with her timing and refers to the Trig pregnancy.
Dr. Drew makes Bristol read the section of her book about losing her virginity aloud. She reads the story about the tent, blah blah he left before she woke up blah blahbity blah. She says once she realized she lost her virginity to him, she knew she had to marry him. (Um, that sounds a little nutso.) Dr. Drew tries very diligently to get her to discuss her true emotions -- saying she must have felt hurt and angry. But she just keeps nodding and smiling. To me, that is a sign of lying. She can't connect with emotions that she never had.
She says Levi was on board and told her he wanted to marry her, just to keep her in a sexual relationship.
Bristol says her family is "so grounded and so close," that they didn't have anything to do with her series of bad choices. Bristol says that her mom knew about her losing-virginity story, but her dad found out when he read her book. Dr. Drew expresses surprise that her mom wouldn't have told her dad about it. (Have you SEEN Todd? No? Oh, that's because he sleeps in the other house. Of course she wouldn't have told him. Dr. Drew does not know anything about the real history of this family. He has bought into the media myth.)
Next up: Levi. Bristol says he "came from a broken family" (LIE - the Johnston divorce was in 2009) and that he "didn't really have morals or beliefs or anything like that." She wanted to help him grow as a person. Dr. Drew says that is called co-dependency. Bristol says she has moved out of that phase, and will no longer try to change anyone.
Bristol insists that she was on birth control, but that she had stopped taking the pill for 3-4 days. Dr. Drew says that wasn't in the book, and she insists it was. (Anyone have the book?) , "Then you weren't on birth control," he says. "Yes, I was, and um it wasn't used effectively at all but um yah it bugs me to see stuff like that on TV because it's like first of all why is Tyra like jumping like she won the lottery or something when she got that out of him and um he said it initially that yah we were practicing safe sex." WOW. She has the same diarrhea of the mouth that her mother has. Bristol, your lies would be more effective if you ended after, "Yes, I was." When you toss up a big word salad it only makes it obvious you are trying to divert attention from the lie.
Bristol says that she does not hear from Levi anymore, and that he is not being a father to Tripp. Dr. Drew asks why she is smiling and tells her it is ok to be angry. For the love of God, Dr. Drew, she is LYING. If she were REALLY angry, she would APPEAR angry!
He says, "tell me something we don't know about your family" and she answers, "Umm...I think we're like the closest family ever possible." Dr. Drew says, "But you're not allowed to talk about feelings it seems like. Maybe you are too close." OH BURN! She says no, they just keep their feelings within their family. Hmmm....I guess secret and fake pregnancies = feelings. He again says it is important for her to discuss the reality of the painful and infuriating things that happened to her and he says he'd really like to hear how she feels about "the reality of what was taken from her and the pain that went with that." My jaw drops when he says this. If he only knew what was really taken from her. "She smiles to cover the pain of her firstborn son who was taken from her, Dr. Drew," I yell at the TV.
Dr. Drew cannot understand why people's dislike for Sarah Palin spills over onto Bristol. (I think we need to send Dr. Drew a LOT of info for a follow-up story, don't you all?)
At his prompting, Bristol discusses the McCains and how she likes John & Cindy but never really got along with Meghan.
Bristol says that her family all lives in Alaska "in separate homes, but really close to each other." Huh? She says that Alaska is her home, and she didn't like being away from home, so she moved back. She says her mom is hilarious behind closed doors, and is constantly making everyone laugh. Her mom is "smart and could debate anyone."
When asked about her mom running for president, she thinks that her mom can definitely win. But even if she doesn't run, "people will talk about (her) family anyway." She is thankful for the opportunities she has because of the notoriety though. She doesn't pay attention to the critics at all, "except when they are talking about my siblings, then I get really heated." Oh, you mean like Trig, your SON? If you don't listen to critics at all, how do you know when they are talking about Trig?
Dr. Drew asks if Trig and Tripp have a relationship and Bristol says, "yah, they are, geez, they're probably about 7 or 8 months apart" -- LIAR! Even if their reported birth dates are correct -- which they are NOT -- they would be 8-1/2 months apart. Gee, why emphasize this point Bristol? And why lie about it? And why fumble and stutter through the whole sentence? Nervous much?
He asks what bothers her most about her public persona and she says, and I do quote, "I hate being labed as an abstinence preacher." "Labed?" asks Dr. Drew. "No, named," she says, as if he just heard her wrong. I rewound this part 3 times. She DEFINITELY said "labed." She lies just as naturally about really inconsequential things as her mom does.
She says, "I'm not out there saying don't have sex. I hate that kind of stuff. I'm just saying that birth control needs to be used effectively every time." Nice. Score one point for Bristol. Next she says that often boys don't have to deal with the consequences, it is often girls and their families who are left to deal with them. That is two off my wish list! I begin to cut her a little slack when she jumps right back into slamming Levi and saying how she wouldn't want her son to do what he did. She talks about getting back together with Levi last summer and how she tried her hardest to make it work, but she realized that it will never work. The way I remember it, she jealously accused him of fathering a baby he did not actually father. Semantics. She says that the Us Weekly cover story was the "worst mistake she ever made."
Dancing with the Stars is discussed and she says that she believes people really do hate her. She thinks attractive, successful women have to share a special burden. They get judged more harshly and "people don't want them to be able to be both pretty and successful or have a good family." WTF is she babbling about?
She admits she worries about her appearance. He says, "I notice you have lost weight" and she says, "Yes definitely and um I think it is weird that uh looks are so important in this industry and I hate talking about it and I hate having to address it and stuff because I'm like really that's what people are worried about is my weight fluctuating?" Again - she rambles to deflect from the original topic and her lies. She says she had jaw surgery because her braces didn't work, and she is sick of people talking about it and tired of appearance being such an issue. While she is saying this, a side-by-side picture was put on the screen and it COULD. NOT. BE. MORE. OBVIOUS. She had a brow lift, lip injections, a chin implant and liposuction.
She doesn't date because it is not easy to be a teen mom at all. Tripp is the love of her life, but she wishes she had an education and a real career path. OMG. You aren't paralyzed!! You have money and a nanny!! Get off your butt, and go get an education you lazy grifter!
Dr. Drew has always been somewhat of a hero to me, and those in my generation who grew up listening to Loveline. He always gave straight talk to kids who needed to hear it. But tonight, he blew it. A few Google searches would have turned up some interesting background info that would have led to better, more probing questions.
Now I'm off to put my daughter to bed, without one single complaint about how hard it is.